Table of contents:
- Illusion # 1. They will love me if …
- Illusion number 2. The person I love must …
- Illusion number 3. I will be happy if …
- Illusion number 4. Syndrome 100% Part of Our Culture
- Illusion number 5. To-do-list
In truth, an illusion can only be called an illusion if it hit the harsh reality and collapsed. Until this "bright moment" - this is our model of reality, our expectations and our dreams. And, as you know, it is better to be careful with dreams, and they can come true.
Still, this period is usually classified as the "crisis of the thirty". Although for some time now he has become younger and now he is called the crisis of a quarter of his life. Plus minus 5 years do not matter, it is important what happens to us during this period. Some have already finished their studies, began to build a career, and sometimes have already managed to change several professions trying to determine their activities. Someone started a family, gave birth to a child and a career has faded into the background, or is trying to successfully combine business and motherhood.
In any case, this is the period in life when youthful concepts of how everything should be seriously tested for viability. Rather, it is a great opportunity for development and transformation.
And, this is where the sorting of our models of reality takes place. Some we send into a box of illusions with the inscription “but everything turns out to be completely wrong”, while others become our attitudes and principles for subsequent periods of life. It will take some more time and what we took with us on the road will be sorted again. There is no catastrophe in this, it is a natural process of revising internal concepts. When something becomes ineffective, it always makes sense to answer the question: how can it be otherwise?
Unfortunately, the processes of parting with illusions are not always painless. Sometimes, we get hung up on something old, but so familiar. In this case, welcome to an exciting, but not entirely comfortable rake trip.
Since we are all unique, each has its own story of childhood and adolescence, respectively, illusions, they are also concepts, are also individual. But, nevertheless, we will try to highlight the TOP 5 and talk about them. After all, this is our life and we really want to enjoy it.
Illusion # 1. They will love me if …
Childhood story. When we were little, we tried to earn the love of our parents and grandparents. For us, there was a direct relationship: I behave well, they love me, I do something wrong, they are angry with me, which means they don’t love me. Through the eyes of a child, the upbringing process looks exactly like this, even with the most loving and conscious parents. This is a separate topic, how to support your children.
On the one hand, giving them love and care, and, on the other hand, developing in them the ability to further successful life. Now is not about that. The main thing is that we retain the habit of deserving love, to a greater or lesser extent. And, there is a large field for self-improvement … not that it's bad, no, it's about development, about the creativity of oneself, only it has nothing to do with love. They will love me because they will love me and that's it. This is an absolute concept. As soon as the “if” appears, it’s about the position of the “victim” and blatant underestimation of oneself.
Illusion number 2. The person I love must …
I can reassure you right away - you shouldn't, just as you shouldn't. Another thing is that we expect and we want, entering into a relationship, that the person who is next to us met our expectations. And, on the other hand, believe me, the same thing happens. Therefore, the process of building relationships that are saturated with love, trust, mutual respect and care is the art of negotiating and from two models of expectation, creating a third common joint model of happy relationships. Because, as soon as there is a "must", and, even more trenchant, when we demand this debt, then this is a direct path to conflicts. And, if, at some stage it will be possible to achieve "victory", then in a long history this is the beginning of the end. If people love each other, there can be no winners and losers, because love is an equal exchange of energies, it is to take and give to each other.
Illusion number 3. I will be happy if …
Each of us has our own model of happiness, although there is something in common. The general sounds like birthday greetings or like a toast, you don't even need to list it. The illusion lies in the fact that the feeling of happiness is related to the inner world, and, the condition "if" to the outside. In other words, something has to change in the outside world for me to feel happy inside. Now I’ll buy something - an apartment, a car, those shoes or a dress, and I’ll be happy. Or, I will build a career and make a lot of money, or, if I get married successfully, my children will study there and there, or all together and something else. But then I'll be happy. The answer is yes, you will, but not for long. Then new “ifs” will appear and again they ran in pursuit of happiness. And what is it that happiness is illusory? The answer is no. An attempt to change the external world, to change the internal is illusory.
As Kozma Prutkov used to say: "If you want to be happy, be happy!" The secret is simple - learn to get joy from the process when you strive to achieve the goal and work with your inner world. The outside world will not keep you waiting and will bring the desired results. Happiness stretched out over time.
Illusion number 4. Syndrome 100% Part of Our Culture
Much has been said on this topic: “either all or nothing,” “do well or do nothing,” “you look your best,” etc. If the result is not one hundred percent, then we believe that it has not been achieved at all. It's like half pregnant. To strive with all our might for the ideal, as it is our way. Another thing is that in parallel our experiences, worries, fears, fatigue, emotional and professional burnout, stress are involved in this race, and for some reason they sometimes overtake us. As a result, at the finish line we get one hundred percent result, but in the form of neurosis, for example. Agree, not quite what we all would like. It is pointless to explain to yourself and persuade that not a 100% result is still a result. it will not bring complete satisfaction.
What to do? Break down a large result into small results, but they can be done 100%. Take your time, calmly, step by step, again enjoying every step. The psyche cannot be fooled if you set a grandiose goal and try to achieve it right away, something inside you does not believe it. Hence the race, and, the feeling of "rat race" or the "squirrel in the wheel" syndrome. Why do we need this? We're about happiness.
Illusion number 5. To-do-list
One wise woman, when she reached the age of 80 and was asked to wish for herself young, answered: "I would not create a list of what I would do, I would create a list of what I would not do." Instead of "to-do-list" - "to-don't do -list". Interestingly, illusion # 5 is a natural continuation of all four above. This is about love, and what I should, and about happiness, and about 100%. If you look at the calendar, completely filled with tasks, the question arises: when to live? A complete feeling that when everything is done, there will only be enough strength to crawl to bed, and, it is better for someone to report and put him to bed.
The question is: why? If you believe the trainers of millionaires, then 41% of the entire to-do list that we write in our calendar for the day, we transfer it to the next day, and then they become irrelevant and go to the basket. What if you look closely at your tasks? Is it all so important to you and what is really important to you? Maybe it makes sense to delete something, delegate something, and focus on the main thing?
Because this wise old woman continued: “If I were young now, I would spend more time living, not doing”.
30 years is a great time to reflect on these words, isn't it?