Until 10 years ago, no one heard of such a term as "personal boundaries", and today every girl (this is not sexism, just my observation: men say little about such psychological things) tries to outline those very boundaries and carefully guard them.
Why is it so now? Perhaps because the line between privacy and publicity has been completely erased. Social networks have allowed everyone to look into the most secret corners of another person's life. And no, that's not bad. This is a normal process of the development of society. It’s like judging that one day there was a car, for good or bad. He appeared, you can't rewind back, you just need to learn to live with the fact that the car exists, and that's all. So it is with social networks.
On the one hand, we ourselves seem to let other people into our lives by publishing our revelations or thoughts. On the other hand, we are faced with the fact that everywhere we hear the assessment or criticism of our actions or views, even if we are not always ready for this.
Personal boundaries are like a hat under the scorching sun or cream with SPF at 13:00 on the beach. Something that provides protection from a destructive external environment. The sun is good, but in moderation. So it is with people. Even good people are sometimes unwillingly toxic. There can be too many of them in our life, and you can simply get tired of it.
The generation born in the USSR or earlier in the post-Soviet era has one common and global problem - we were all taught to be comfortable for those around us. Their needs and desires were secondary. And so from the very birth. Sharing, suppressing emotions, not standing out from the crowd, and in no way provoking anyone's judgment. At any cost. Now we have access to an endless array of literature, scientific research, the positions of psychologists and so on, we understand the importance of our I and learn to listen and hear ourselves.
A relationship with a partner, child, friend, or society as a whole begins with oneself. It is impossible to build a happy marriage or raise completely self-sufficient children if we are not in dialogue with ourselves. To do this, you need to be more often alone with yourself and listen, but why, even though it is me, and right now? Not "what would my mother / society expect from me now"? Namely me?
Every time you want to say NO, you have to say NO. When you want to interrupt an unpleasant conversation or leave the event, you need to do it. Remaining in circumstances that are uncomfortable for us, but comfortable for others, we betray ourselves. And let it all sound pompous, but this is additional stress, and stress is the first cause of all diseases and rapid aging. You yourself choose what to eat and whether to finish. Likewise, you choose who you communicate with and for how long. Any circumstances in life can be changed if you remember that the most important thing for me is my self and his calmness.
You also need to be able to communicate about your boundaries correctly. If 15 years before that you allowed a parent to control your already independent personal life and criticize your every step, then it is illogical to expect that after your one "this is my personal business" everything will stop. Likewise, if you let your boss humiliate yourself for years or a colleague throw off all the tasks on you, then everything will not be fixed overnight. It will take patience. But on the whole, the mechanism is simple. You need to talk about your desires calmly, without scandal and reproaches. Not "yes, you are bored with your advice," but "I am grateful for the help, but we will figure this out ourselves."
If something is unpleasant for you, you should talk about it too. There is nothing criminal about “I don’t want to talk about this / this is personal”. This is definitely better than, for example, listening to tactless questions from a distant relative about his personal life at a family holiday. You yourself have the right to determine what exactly is your personal and intimate. And they are not obliged to explain to anyone why this is so. This is important for your mental and physical health (after all, it is connected, remember?). Therefore, personal boundaries are not newfangled slang, but the need for a healthy existence.
