It is impossible to love a man if you do not have respect for him. Perhaps once he greatly disappointed you, and now you cannot look at him with the same look. What to do now?
The biggest misconception in this situation is to think that you love this man anyway. Take it for granted that it is simply impossible to have strong feelings for a person without respect for him.
What could be the reason for such changes? It’s a paradox, but it’s not a man, but a woman. She perceives the world through her expectations and perceptions. In her understanding, some actions are worthy of respect, and some lower a person to the level of the plinth.
Perhaps there are people in your environment with whom you constantly interact, but do not have respect for them. This reflects not only your attitude towards others, but also towards yourself. When you evaluate people and condemn them for something, you show your exactingness not towards them, but towards yourself. You need to start with respect for your own person, and then learn to do this in relation to everyone else.
Let's go back to the men. First you need to find out what exactly you do not respect him for. I suggest that you take a piece of paper and write down what qualities or actions, or perhaps their absence, cause you to feel disappointed.
In my coaching consultations, women name completely different things that lead them to disrespect a man:
- sports style in clothes;
- low income;
- not a manly voice;
- feminine hands, etc.
All these signs almost do not characterize men in terms of behavior or human qualities. But, nevertheless, in women, they can cause disrespect, and sometimes even disgust. Most often this is due to the basic need to devalue a man at any cost, because otherwise he can show his best side.
Thus, a woman harms herself. She does not give a man a chance to open up, and herself to enjoy a relationship with him. Ultimately, she doesn't allow herself to be a woman to the fullest. The source of her dislike for men is that she does not respect herself in the first place.
Let's go back to the exercise. Write down why you don't respect men. The second step is to check the written claims for adequacy. You may be depriving a person of respect for the reason that their actions or qualities are contrary to values that are important to you.
There can be only one piece of advice - do not be where you are surrounded by people for whom you have no respect. If your partner or spouse can no longer rehabilitate in your eyes, what are you doing in this relationship?
When it comes to relatives, nothing changes. If a father, brother, uncle behaves unworthily (for example, beats his wife, drinks, plays in the casino, etc.), you should understand that each person chooses his own destiny. You don’t need to be a lifeguard, you don’t need to sacrifice yourself and communicate with them just because it’s supposedly "accepted".
You just need to set your boundaries. This means that you will not allow yourself to be treated the way you do not want. It is important to remember that the other person also has boundaries, and you have no right to violate them. For example, you cannot tower over people, even if they have lost your respect, and give them unsolicited advice. This is already pride.
If you stop trying to "do good", you will notice how many claims and reproaches evaporate from your life. Only after taking this position will miracles begin to happen in life. Your relationships with others will begin to build like magic. You will begin to truly respect yourself. Forget unfair expectations. Finally, you will see that it is necessary and possible to control only your own life.
So, let's summarize.
To build a long-term relationship with a man, you need to figure out why you might not respect him. The main thing is not to hold on to old grievances and sensibly assess the situation and your own expectations. Revenge is not an option. It only interferes with sincere love.
I sincerely wish you to build a happy and worthy life for you - after all, we ourselves choose what it will be. Let respect, love and some imperfections into her, since there are no ideal people. The way you know how to accept yourself and your imperfection directly affects your attitude towards other people.
Take a look around and answer two important questions. Are there men in your environment or have you isolated yourself from their society? And are there any men whom you find it difficult to respect?
