Career, love, family: how to find balance and not lose yourself
Career, love, family: how to find balance and not lose yourself

Can you make a successful career without sacrificing personal relationships? What helps maintain balance and harmony? Natalia Kholod, a business woman and mother of four children, spoke about this.

How not to focus solely on work or family? What makes it possible to maintain a high pace in business and at the same time devote time to children and husband? The heroine of our story has four daughters, besides, she is the head of the PR-agency "VARTO", so she has plenty of obligations. But in the life of Natalia Kholod there are certain principles that help her to grow professionally, to remain a business woman, mother and beloved woman.

Family or work?

“It’s very strange for me to hear that you have to make a choice between family and work. Sometimes it seems that the women themselves came up with this stereotype in order to emphasize the already high importance of their role for home and family, - said Natalia. - The stories that the main thing is to be a good housewife, and sacrifice is a synonym for motherhood, I have only heard from women. Think about it: if we talk about a man, then the words "businessman", "good family man", "loving dad" - sound great, natural and believable, and no one has any questions about how to combine these statuses. So why should we women drive ourselves into a corner, choosing either a home or a career?"

The following common opinion: if a woman holds a high position, then at home it is already difficult for her to show gentleness in relations with children and her husband. “Let's take a simple comparison,” suggested the heroine of the story. - The sun turns out to be gentle in the morning, scorching in the afternoon and calm in the evening. Why not follow this example of transformation? It is important not to be afraid to be different: at work - to show professional qualities, clarity and concreteness, and at home - to relax, pamper children and give the initiative to a man."


Be a pro in your field

It is not family and female affiliation that interferes with building a career, but certain attitudes. For example, some people are convinced that someone can or should change their lives, so they often justify their passivity and blame the other person's failures: "If my boss raised my salary, I could afford English courses."

The next obstacle to a successful career is lack of self-confidence. Many of us have less developed awareness of our advantages than the stronger sex. If you ask any man whether he considers himself a professional in this or that matter, in most cases the answer will be yes. And the woman will start looking for cons. “We often doubt our abilities,” said the heroine of the story. - We must learn to believe in ourselves. And if you see that you can solve a new problem, it is important to declare it loudly. The attitude that boys are adorned with courage and girls with modesty is outdated long ago.

Turn on slow mode

Is it worth it to “include a business woman” when solving everyday issues? From time to time, this is useful, for example, if you need to make repairs and you have to rigidly negotiate with the construction team the timing of the work. “But if I constantly assumed the position of the commander, I would hardly be happy,” Natalia said. - It is impossible and unnecessary to remain a business woman both at work and at home. If we manage to realize our professional ambitions in society and turn on the slow-mode in the family, harmony appears. And the loved ones are happy from this, and the woman. And when you are darling at work, and at home you decide everything for a man, you can hardly talk about the correct distribution of energy.Probably, some of the men are satisfied that his wife solves all problems, and he lies on the couch, but in my case harmony appears due to the fact that I show my business qualities in a work environment, and use a different type of energy in my family."


Who in the family … should?

The question of who owes whom is not the main one in Natalia's family. “Whoever has the time and desire will lend his shoulder. For example, breakfasts on weekdays are more often prepared by the husband, because he is an early riser and gets up easily in the morning, and I am an owl and I like to do household chores after everyone goes to bed,”the heroine of the story explained. “And it’s also very important to share responsibilities not in the way“as is customary for everyone,”but on the basis of who likes to do what."

The main thing in a family is communication and constant verification of landmarks. At first glance, it seems that if people live together for a long time, then they understand each other perfectly. “But we are changing, and together with us our interests and preferences are changing,” Natalia explained. Some families think that talking to each other is a waste of time. As a result, discontent arises: “Why should I remind my husband to buy me flowers? Is it really incomprehensible? " or “Why should I tell him how to love me? Let him figure it out.” But all people are different. And for one person, the manifestation of love is to bring a cup of tea, and for another - to invite to the cinema.

Best example

As for the upbringing of children, the main principle works here - the example of parents. You can tell anything, but if you do otherwise, your words are wasted. In Natalia's family, any issues are discussed, so there are no taboo topics. “But at the same time we understand that we have to give answers that the child’s psyche is ready for,” explained the heroine of the story. - For example, if a child asks about sex, this does not mean that you need to go into details. It is important to find an answer that the child will understand."


Life in dynamics

“It’s great to learn from each other in a family,” says Natalia. - Our marriage changed me a lot, because my husband constantly reads something, takes courses, goes to seminars. He is an architect in an IT company, and in this industry you should always learn. Kostya infected me with this. Of course, at first it was hard, but when you observe your husband and understand what the knowledge gained leads to, how it affects the results of your work, you also get involved."

And in a relationship, a change of rhythm is also important. After all, a dynamic life requires a reboot. “For example, I can go on vacation with the children to give my husband the opportunity to be alone. Such moments of "exhalation" are necessary for each of us. I once told my husband: "How lucky we are with each other that we have such a family." To which Kostya replied: “No luck, we just work on it every day”.

A woman in a man's life

According to many psychologists, we repeat the model of the relationship between a man and a woman, which we have seen since childhood. “If we talk about our family, I hope my daughters will understand that mom is the main love of dad,” Natalia said. - From time to time they ask Kostya: "Who is Daddy's favorite girl?" And the husband replies: "Daddy's favorite girl is mom." And the daughters in our example see: the main woman in a man's life is his wife. I hope that in adulthood they will be guided by this rule when choosing a future spouse."


Who comes first?

We were taught from childhood that everyone needs to share: “You have two dolls. Give one to Masha "," Don't be greedy, let Sasha play with her toys. " The heroine of the story has a different opinion: "About things, children should have a clear understanding:" This is mine. " We cannot tell a child “give the car” just because someone liked it. Even if I see that the middle daughter has a thing that she does not need, but is useful to the eldest, I always explain: “You cannot just take it. Make an agreement. " The same rule applies to food. If I ordered a dish, the kids won't taste it from my plate.

It is important to develop in children a sense of ownership as well as the importance of their choices. Of course, the house has common things that all family members use, but everyone has their own, and in order to borrow them, you need to ask permission.

Everything is interconnected

Having four children does not hinder, and even helps, building a business. “It was communication with my daughters that taught me how to solve certain issues in a team,” Natalia explained. “On the other hand, girls see that my husband and I get great pleasure from our work. I do not hide the fact that she drives me. And they can't wait to grow up and work in my company,”the heroine of the story laughs. You can build the right relationships at work and in the family at any time. It is important to understand that you need to work on this every day.

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