Why do conflicts arise and how to resolve them?
Why do conflicts arise and how to resolve them?

Quarrels, disputes, disagreements … Is it possible to complete the showdown for the benefit of yourself? It is possible and even necessary if you know how to act in such a situation!

In psychology, there is such a concept as a conflict generator. These are actions, words, gestures or assessments that lead to a conflict situation. Each of us can remember his own version, heard from the boss, husband or parents: "You always spoil everything", "You have no use!"

We try to avoid situations like this. For the sake of family and work we do everything to keep the relationship. However, in psychology, conflict is considered one of the forms of communication. And if it appears, it means that everything is not so bad. Indeed, thanks to him, we resolve controversial issues and get rid of them. But how to get out of this situation correctly in order to keep your family and work, depends on what kind of behavior you choose.

How does the conflict arise?

Its scheme is simple. We get involved in a conflict only on one condition - if we are emotionally dependent on the person who starts it. A simple example. In transport, your grandmother steps on your foot. You don't react to her. “It happened by accident, it never happens to anyone,” you think, and the next second you forget about it. A few hours later, a colleague steps on your foot, whom you hate or dislike.

And then there is a completely different reaction than in the first situation. You're furious, you might be rude. Or keep silent, but tell your friends about it. You will find a dozen reasons why she did it supposedly on purpose, remember a couple more similar situations, etc., remember! We react and provoke the outbreak of conflict only if we are emotionally vulnerable in relation to the person who starts it.

family conflict
Advice! Do not be afraid and do not hide from conflict situations, resolve them as you accumulate. From time to time it is worth “throwing out” the excess from the relationship.

Who starts the fights?

We are used to thinking that a family in which partners fight, shout at each other and discuss family quarrels in society is considered a conflict family. These are open-type conflict families. Who is easiest to bring to emotions? There are four levels of conflict tolerance. Knowing about them, it is easy to guess how a person will act further in a similar situation.

  • Emotional. This type of personality has different levels of emotions: high, medium, low. For example, a choleric person has a high level of emotions. Just touch it, and it already flares up in any situation. The average level of emotionality is the best, because a person both reacts and at the same time shows self-control. People with a low level of emotionality do not react in any way to a conflict situation.
  • Intellectual level - when a person is able to estimate in advance that a conflict arises and it can lead to something.
  • Strong-willed - when a person is able to pull himself together. But this is not a natural quality, but a developed ability and skills.
  • Psycho-motor - when a person is not worried, controls his body and controls gestures and facial expressions.

For example: “What are you getting paid for in general?”, “Who is not taken to our company”, etc. At work, having received such a remark in your address, you can do the following.

conflict at work

First option:do not react to an unpleasant statement from your boss and remain calm.

Second option: you can remain silent, but not everyone is able to maintain a calm expression on their faces. The fact is that when we are unable to suppress emotions, then facial expressions and gestures betray our true reaction. A conflicted person notices her, and that's all - a quarrel begins. To prevent this from happening, learn to turn off emotions.Do not forget about one of the rules of successful people: "Business is business, no emotions." That is, only rationality is present at work.

Remember!When we emotionally respond to comments, we enable people to use us. Therefore, if you get involved in a conflict, you need to figure out why you are doing it. What is the reason for this reaction?

How to behave in a relationship?

In a family, from a provocateur of a quarrel, you can hear the following: "When will you learn to cook?", "This is your upbringing!", "You always spend money on all sorts of nonsense!" etc. When a conflict begins in a couple and a man becomes his provocateur, you need to find out for yourself why such a situation arises. Usually, the partner knows what we are emotionally reacting to, so he deliberately presses on our Achilles heel. For some it is “you are not a bad mistress,” although she is just a wonderful mistress; others say "you are a bad mother," and so on. How to behave in such a situation? Again, do not dive into conflict. You need to think with your head, and not be guided by emotions.

You cannot make impulsive decisions: leave the house, expel a man, say what you will regret later. A woman should be able to stop herself: "I need to sleep with this thought", "I will think about it tomorrow," "I will not throw a tantrum, but I will postpone the decision until I calm down." Impatience is one of the most serious mistakes women make. Remember! Before you do any emotionally impulsive act, you need to understand that you are now guided by emotions. We need to turn on the brains!

Advice!In a conflict, you do not need to interrupt, defending your innocence, even if the person is lying. There are two signs that you are vulnerable to an argument. The first is when you interrupt. The second is when you break the pause first.

How not to become a provocateur of quarrels in the family yourself?

There are several key points to help you understand yourself.

  • Stop evaluating, blaming your partner, making claims.
  • Conduct an audit of your actions: "What am I doing wrong?", "What can I change?" When a woman changes something in her behavior, her partner also begins to change.
  • Don't blame yourself! Try to rebuild. If something is wrong in the family, women often take all the blame on themselves. It is not right. In any situation, both sides are always to blame. Most often 50 to 50, or someone more, someone less. Therefore, if conflicts arise, try to rebuild, change your own thinking.
  • Don't become a kid in a relationship. That is, do not sulk at the man, do not boycott him.
  • Evaluate your results. If you have changed your attitude towards your partner, but everything remains the same, then do not drag out the problem for years, but close the topic and get rid of such a connection.
conflict in a pair

How to end the scandal for the benefit of yourself?

There are several rules of conduct that will help you remain invulnerable to a quarrel provocateur.

  • Give the instigator of the conflict an opportunity to speak. The fact is that when it releases steam, it is thus "zeroed". Including emotionally. And if you interrupt him, then everything returns to normal. When you try to convince a person, you make them even more angry. He still does not hear you, so during a showdown, you need to calmly listen.
  • Pause before answering. What is this pause for psychologically? When a person has spoken, he expects that they will begin to contradict him, therefore he is internally ready for objections. Of course, holding back is very difficult. Especially if we are not told the truth. But when the provocateur falls silent, you need to count from ten to one to yourself. It is possible that he has not yet said everything.

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  • Don't give back. The provocateur is waiting for your objections, excuses, but you do not give them and thus slightly calm him down.
  • Ask clarifying questions. For example: "Who told you this?", "How could you think about me?", "It was definitely me?"
  • Do not directly deny the claim. For example, if a man is constantly told that his woman is bad, then she can answer: "You understand that everyone is jealous of our love." You cannot directly deny everything: "You are wrong", "You believe all the gossip", "You always listen to what your mother says." Otherwise, there will be a new cause for a scandal.

Important!If the boss and the subordinate are friends, then they transfer emotions into the working relationship, which means that they become vulnerable in relation to each other.

In a couple, one should not be afraid and hide from conflict situations, they should be resolved as they accumulate. Excess need to be periodically "thrown" out of the relationship.

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