"If the mother-in-law is a monster" Remember this wonderful movie with Jennifer Lopez?
Who is this woman really? And why does she so zealously and tightly hold her son at his feet? "Outrageous! What right does she have? He is a grown man, and she drips on his brain! I explain to him, he agrees with me, and then he listens to her again!" - sadly with hopelessness in her voice, a friend told me …
Indeed, often the relationship with the mother-in-law resembles an Italian courtyard: passion, hypocrisy, showdown, screaming, competition for power. Yes, for power and influence. Two women: his wife and his mother fought for the right to possess. And this is important to acknowledge. Psychologist, television expert and YouTube blogger Lilia Korol is convinced of this.
I understand that there are cases when the daughter-in-law is neither sleepy nor in spirit, peaceful and gentle, and then the mother-in-law rushes in on the tank and an attack begins, reminiscent of the battles from "Game of Thrones". This is the case when you need to sympathize and defend yourself. And it's important to understand the details. Let's get started …
Mom is one
The mother-in-law is, first of all, the woman who gave birth to your loved one. His mother. And whatever it is, most often she will win any competition, because mom is one! This must be accepted. Accept, period. It will not change. Will not obey you, will not stop influencing his son. She lived so many years before you and will live happily for more.
If this is a domineering and strong woman, accustomed to command, then I am doubly sympathetic, because she looks at your young family as part of her fiefdom. You cannot compete with her, compete for power. Because you will play this war.
You are not mom
You are not a mom. And this is your chance. Remember your personal boundaries and your role. Basically, women make one and the same mistake: they act like a mother-in-law, in other words, like his mother. And it turns out that the man has 2 mothers competing for power over him and not a single wife.
According to my observations, preference is given to biological, it is more dear. Your task is to remain in the role of a wife, a woman whom a man loves and wants to live with, be, make friends, sleep, plan, give birth to children. The mother-in-law will not be able to get into this process, fight, compete.
Once my grandmother said: "The night cuckoo will have a snack" and she was right. It is very important to keep the relationship with the mother-in-law friendly and kind. And to conquer the territory of the family is not your task, but the task of your husband. He is a grown man who must make decisions and be the boss. So let it be. He no longer needs a mom. And as long as you both try to "tame" him, in this situation he remains a child who is lost among the "mothers". Return to yourself, your mother-in-law and your husband their places and roles. You are a wife. He's a husband. And mom is mom.
Together with your husband, create the rules for your family, let it be stated there how you make family decisions. This is very important and necessary. After all, while there are no rules, they will be introduced and manipulated by mothers-in-law, mother-in-law, children, and sometimes even our smaller brothers (some cats are still puppeteers!). Take care of your family and do not waste your nerves. Mother-in-law to mother-in-law, and you are alone!
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